Facing Life ... and Death ...

So it's been awhile since I last posted something ... a lot has happened since February not only in my life, but I'm guessing in your life too.

Almost 20 days ago I packed up and left Prattville to head to the big city of Troy to start a new journey in my life! And I have to say it's been an amazing start so far! The classes are a little more work and a little more sleep depriving than I thought, but I'm sure I'll figure it all out! But anyways, tonight at dinner me and two girls that I just recently met were talking and Caitlin was talking about how long she and her boyfriend had been dating (2 years - in case you were wondering!) and she looked at me and said, "God, it seems like we've been dating for so much longer than that ... I guess its because over the past two years a lot of things have happened." And I couldn't agree with her more ... a year ago my friend Mark had just past away, I was just starting my senior year, starting out at a new church ... and starting to make my OWN choices!

Her statement made me stop and think about dramatic events in our lives and how they affect us after the fact. Dramatic events (obviously are dramatic) but they also stop us in our tracks - time at that moment seems to freeze.

Almost 3 years a man I've come to know and love was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I've grown up with this man, and always felt close to him, but after I was diagnosed something just connected (it was that common bond that everyone has and feels at different times). These past 3 years seem to have slipped by - I guess it was because the doctors gave him 6 months ... and after he beat that ... well, I guess I hoped he would just beat the rest. I remember praying each night "God, just let him make it to my graduation ... amen" He did indeed make it to my graduation! But all this time when everyone assumed he was getting better ... he was still taking treatment but more importantly he was still going strong! He's never let this slow him down ... Recently he found out that it had spread to his liver, and normally that means a few weeks maybe a few months ... when I found out I was upset, but I didn't understand ... Why??? He'd made it to my graduation ... he seems fine ... I can't help but remember my prayer "God, just let him make it to my graduation ... amen" - God answered that prayer, but I wanted more - more time, more laughs, more for his daughter ... until I talked to him the other day. I was being so selfish - everything I wanted I wanted for me ... somewhere in all this (while all this selfishness is because I wanted more time with him) I'd somehow forgotten about him, and what he wanted.

I ran into him at the cancer center while we were both there to get treatment, and everything just kinda flowed out of him. Questions, answers to the questions to the questions he'd been asking - but that didn't really matter anymore, thoughts on things, honesty ... He's been on some form of Chemo since he found out ... and this is what he said, "I've been speaking a lot lately to different groups, and if I can just help one person, all this will have been worth it." I could have fallen to pieces there, but luckily we both got called back - and I pushed it aside. After I got my treatment I went back to were he was at sat for a little while ... This man after all he's done DESERVES an honorable death - one with respect. He doesn't deserve to die feeling sick or hooked up to a machine ... he deserves what he wants!

I pray that, that is exactly what he receives. Like I said things these past 3 years have flown by, but that day at the cancer center - time stood still. I did my best to act like I understood, to act strong - but I realized that I didn't have to because HE did, and I couldn't be happier for him. These past 3 years while we've all been watching his body die, and his spirit grow ... I hope for his family and friends that these next few weeks time will stand still, and I pray that for him time flies until he gets his wings!

P.S. - Lt. Mangrum ... you've helped me in ways you'll never know ... much love!