A Bad Cocktail ....

This is the follow up to the previous post. While I should be editing a paper or getting some much needed sleep I felt the need to respond to some things that happened today.

I think there is one person in everyone's life that God uses to speak them in their greatest time of need.

Today I spent some time with who I consider one of the greatest friends in the world. While we have only been friends for a short while ... it seems as if we have known each other our whole lives. He pointed out some things in my life that I had been struggling with. The entire time we were talking he kept asking "Does this make sense? Is this helping?" And I was so caught up in all my emotions I couldn't let him know that he had just hit the nail on the head! Today my friend ... seemed wise! (which if you knew him that's a major accomplishment! jk!)

Today I learned that where we have been has a major role of dictating of where we are going and the things that we long for. The hungry long for food, the weary long for rest, the poor for profit, and the ashamed for grace ... Who we are and the choices that we HAVE made today will affect who we become tomorrow.

He pointed out that Satan uses two key things in his plan to pull us away from Christ ... Guilt and Fear. He uses guilt to pull us away and fear to keep us there. All this time I thought that guilt was Christ telling me I was doing wrong ... and once you experience guilt you feel shame ... and shame leads to silence .... Never in my life did I consider that this could have been Satan's way of keeping me from my Father. I couldn't figure out how to get around this wall. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't find away AROUND this wall, but we talked about that today and I figured out I need to knock this wall down and not to just go around it. I've always been a person who prides themselves on knowing that they make other people happy. My GREATEST fear is that somewhere in my life I will hear the "D" word and someone will be talking about me. What is the "D" word ... disappointed!!!!!!!!!! I've always heard that talk "If you go to Heaven tonight how is God going to greet you? "My faithful servant, I'm proud of you, you served me well!" or "My child, you have disappointed me ..." I've always prayed that I was pleasing God and I continually worry if I'm making Him proud. An even greater fear of mine is that I won't hear the "D" word in this life, but in the next. My friend was rambling (as he usually does) and little did he know, while he was rambling (with the help of the Holy Spirit) he was speaking directly to my heart. He said, "God isn't going to be disappointed in you, he loves you too much! You've got to get rid of this fear and this guilt if you expect your relationship to grow."

How does this apply to growing up? If you recall my last post said "I had no idea growing up was so hard ..."As a child we are spoon fed, with little freedom. And as a child most of our beliefs are the same of those around us, the same as the one's who influence our lives. As we get older we have more freedom, more choices, and more responsibility. In my opinion this is a bad cocktail! ha! lol! With new freedom we find ourselves exploring and questioning the beliefs we have always be raised up to stand by. When you finally realize that this is your freedom, your choices, your life, ... and now YOUR responsibility (and not your parents) everything becomes much more complicated. A parent can only pray that they have done a good job of raising their kids. And speaking for my parents I know that they have raised two excellent kids (if I say so myself!) My friend explained that I now have to start making my own choices and deciding what MY beliefs are. That in itself ... is part of life I guess.

For all those who have been there for me over the years ... or maybe just a few months ... Thank you! I couldn't ask for a better family! Thanks York!