Happy Late Mother's Day Mum!

It's been years since I've posted anything - but it's time to start again I think. Loads has happened since my last posting.

It would take days to catch up but here's a quick re-cap:
Graduated Troy University with my BSN - 2011 Started working as an RN - 2011 
Got Engaged - December 24, 2012
Got Un-Engaged - August 2, 2013 
Bought a House - June 2014 
Started MSN Program - August 2014 
MSN Graduation Date - August 13, 2016 (Can't come soon enough)

So that pretty much does it -- okay, well there's loads missing but it brings us to the story I'm about to tell ... 

If I don’t write this - I feel as though I might regret it. If I do - well it means that I am human & therefore experience emotions - which for some reason our society has deemed “uncool”. Either way it seems writing could defiantly help me work through this weekend. When I broke off my engagement a few years ago - my family always worried Christmas Eve would be a bitter holiday (because that’s when we got engaged) … We were wrong. 

Mother’s Day for the past few years, unbeknownst to anyone, has been a difficult day for me the past few years. Not so long ago I, too, was receiving gifts & cards on this holiday. My fiancé at the time had a daughter - who I loved dearly. We can call her "Maggie" for the rest of this story. I know it may have seemed to most people that I was pretty guarded around Maggie and at times seemed distant with her. I’m not sure now if it is because somewhere deep inside I knew long before the relationship ended that it would eventually come to that or if I’m just that terrified to open myself up to love.

I think it was more the first - but I’m sure the second reason played it’s part too. I did however love Maggie more deeply than I thought possible. While she still had a loving mother, I too was about to take that role on. It weighed heavily on my brain & heart as I contemplated, calculated & contrived some sort of idea of what I wanted me & Maggie’s relationship to be. I had no intentions of attempting to take her mothers place, but I didn’t want us to just be friends. I wanted that mother-daughter relationship - but how that would evolve I would have no idea. I fervently prayed over the 3 of us & how our relationship as a family would play out. 

It opened my eyes to a whole new world. My parents have set a great example of what a marriage should look like, and because of this I thought I knew what a marriage should look like. It’s not before you actually enter into one do you actually know what it is biblically about. I think the same thing could be said for parenting. Until you are about to have a child (in whatever form that my be - childbirth, surrogacy, adoption) do you really know what it’s all about. I thought I knew what parenting was about - because I’d had great parents. But it wasn’t until I was about to be responsible for an innocent life did I realize what it was about. I realized that during all my contemplating, calculating & contriving - that I had one goal as a parent - and one goal only. To raise a follower of Christ. 

My only job after that seemed simpler yet overwhelming terrifying. As Maggie would one day be left to make her own choice. It was my job as a Christian parent to lay the stepping stones for my child - so that when that day comes - it doesn’t seem like a conscious choice - but more of a of an unconscious one - a lifestyle. I want my future kids when asked “When did you decide to follow Christ?” to have a hard time finding an answer - because I want their answer to be “When was I not follower Christ?” 


SIDE NOTE: 
To the step-moms who are willing to love someone else’s child as your own. To open yourself up to heartache & the possibility of rejection - because after all the kids do have all the power. Thank you! You brave souls! I’ve seen a lot of great step-moms & some not so much - but the one’s that were great - always stick out. It’s as if those women somehow loved more - maybe because they had more to lose or it seems as if a greater risk was being taken. Because when you’re dating a man with children - you are never just dating him - you’re dating everyone. And should that relationship fail - it has failed for everyone - not just a man & woman. Great step-mom defy all boundaries! I salute you! To kids who love their step-moms & let them in — I thank you one behalf of them! You made our lives better! To the women without children - I can guarantee you’ve “mothered” someone in your life. Which in most cases, was done out of love, genuine caring, and responsibility. Nurturing is a natural emotion for women - even if some try & keep it hidden. Me & everyone you’ve ever “mothered” thank you! So “Happy “Mothering” Day” 

BACK TO THE STORY:

Me & my ex-fiance's relationship ended rather peacefully - both understanding that neither of us did anything "wrong" - we just weren't meant to enter into a marriage together. Just because someone hasn't done anything wrong - doesn't mean they're "Mr. or Mrs. Right" 

After everything, I know this - when the time comes for me to be a mother - I’m going to be brilliant! I’m not going to be perfect, but brilliant. I’m going to be awesome because I now know - wherever my kids come from, no matter how or when I acquire them - they will be loved. And loved unconditionally. I know that when it comes time to raise them that I’ve got God on my side; and He will gladly show me my flaws & my high points as a mom. He will lead me in finding the best way to show Him to my children - so that they know Him. I won’t be perfect - but I will be great, but only because He is great. 

Basically in a strange - round about way - I’m saying “thanks” to my mom. Who in my eyes is perfect. She somehow managed to raise two successful, educated, patriotic, contributing members of society, who are loving, funny, outgoing — but most importantly you raised 2 followers of Christ. 

I could not be the mother I one day will be - without of having you as a mom! So today, me & my future kids thank you! (No one worry - when I say future I mean WAY WAY WAY future - I’ve got loads of adventures to take before I take on the adventure of kids). I’m not sure that mine or Heather’s life is the one you planned out for us - but Heather & I could probably say the same thing, but I’m glad I’ve had you to share it with!

Happy Late Mother’s Day Mum! :)